Who Needs a Stress Ball??

With so much stress mounting during SU games and so many things in the living room worth hurling, we here at the O'Zone want you to be safe this season.

Remember this past Saturday when SU had all the momentum in the world after recovering a Penn St fumble only to give it right back??

Let's use that as an example. Now the first thing that usually happens is "SON of a BITCH!!!!" or "FFFFFUCK!!!" comes screaming out of your mouth. Then comes the decision, 'what to throw'??

Selection:

When we're pissed off at something SU does or doesnt do during the game, you dont have alot of time to think. Here's where we can help. When chosing an item to be thrown in anger, you have a number of options. Anything that's breakable, or has some serious weight to it is out... unless youre hardcore, and in that case we give you some mad props! You certainly don't want to throw anything of value to your wife or signifigant other. For that matter, you don't want to throw something AT anything of value to your wife or signifigant other. You don't want to chuck the remote for obvious reasons, even though its probably the closest option. The best thing to keep within arms reach is a nice soft, heavy pillow. You know, the kind you can punch and it still leaves the inpression of your fist in it. One of those can be your best friend the next time SU defenders are no where to be found once a pass is caught. Stay away from firm pillows because they have way too much bounce to them. You're likely to break something on the bounce after it hits the target.

Where to throw:

Just like a QB, you'll need to be aware of your surroundings when its time to chuck that pillow across the room. Walls are a 'No no' because of all the decorations and pictures they have on them. The front door is the way to go because theres nothing in front of it and its usually the strongest door in the house. A strong, sturdy front door absorbs the impact of the pillow and won't let it bounce too far. I've found that our front door can take a whole games worth of pillows. Those soft, heavy pillows I mentioned earlier are perfect and will make a nice big THUD against the door that you can be proud of.

The right pillow can be found at most garage sales or flea markets fairly cheaply. I'd suggest stocking 2 or 3 for those occasions where throwing one just won't cut it. With the way our football team has performed you may want to get 4 or 5. We think you'll find this advice helpful this season once you're pissed the hell off. Good luck Orange fans and happy chucking!